Quote:
Originally Posted by Ocean Swimmer
I think parents do what their parents did.
But some are just crazed child abusers.
Do you want them in your life?
Really love them? If so then forgiveness is a part of love. My ex tryed to strangle me. I got a restraining order. I don't love him now. But I have forgiven him. I think it was a crime of passion. But I wouldn't trust him or care to be his friend.
So you could do the Ben Franklin close. Write down all the benefits on one 1/2 of the paper. Then on other 1/2 all the negative consequences to being part of their lives.
This will help you clarify your feeling and help you to decide.
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((((Hugs)))). My ex husband strangled me too. It makes me wonder what I did to deserve it all or why people like to strangle me. But as you said....it's patterns of abuse and I probably subconsciously chose my ex because he was familiar if you know what I mean. I'm sorry that happened to you too.
Yes, I do love and forgive them and desperately want them in my life. The problem if, it's so hard and horribly uncomfortable when I'm around them (mainly my grandpa as he's grumpy and mean and always has been but my dad is usually cheerful and nurturing in his own way). I want this horrible, suffocating feeling that I get when I'm around my grandfather to go away. He's 98 and who knows how much time I have left with him. He tried his best and he had his own crosses to bare which I know caused his behavior. I forgive, but can't shake the feeling and it keeps me from visiting. And since he lives with my parents it makes visiting my parents harder.
Thank you for everyone who responded. This is hard for me to write...I feel guilty for saying anything bad about them. But I think I needed to get it out and it's time I talk about it. Thank you to everyone who took the time to read it. (((Hugs))))