ps.... on the topic of saying we are ok when we aren't..... I've turned it into a coping skill. I used to do say I was ok when I wasn't and wonder why it was so automatic to pretend. I'd feel dishonest sometimes or lonely from the isolation that came from hiding my true feelings. I'd rationalize it was the polite thing to do. People generally ask the question without much thought so I figure people generally don't want an answer with much thought behind it.

Recently I've started to respond to that query a little bit differently. When asked "How are you?" I may feel very badly but I'm programmed to respond positively so its automatic for me to say "Fine" or something akin to that. It was always equally automatic for me to feel even worse for having lied or isolated myself. That's the part I've changed. Now when I hear myself offer the tapped response I run myself through a mental exercise. I add a smile to the reply. I take a few seconds to focus on the smile. How my skin feels. How my eyes feel. How I'm sitting or standing. I let the smile minister to me and pull me closer to the feeling fine for real. If I've really benefitted from the exercise I'll find myself repeating my reply with a greater grain of truth the second time.

Hope you don't mind me sharing some of the things that have been working for me lately. I know so well your pain and it pains me to know others suffer like this. I pray your tears were able to minister to you and that you are feeling better by the time you visit the boards again. I pray your pain passes quickly.