Thanks Clyde, Rayna, Bebop, Patty:
Oh what a day. We had our first hospice worker meeting, and my dad absolutely flipped out. He was furious, despite the fact that we prefaced it by saying that the worker was there to help the FAMILY, not just him. He was incredibly rude to her (which is NOT out of character for him -- you should have seen him with my boyfriends.. ugh) and kept telling us to get 'that woman' out of his house. I took him into another room and gave him a stern talk about how this situation is extremely stressful for my stepmom, upon whom he relies extensively even if he won't admit it. If he has an ounce of love for her, then he needs to put his pride aside and be a little bit flexible for her sake. She is totally tethered to the house because of him - the hospice care will give her the respite to go get her hair cut and go run errands... things she can't do now with the condition he's in...

You know, I was thinking about her stress levels, and I realize that it's bringing back memories... not so much of me caring for my mom (my dad traveled for work M-F so I was her primary caregiver the summer before she died), but when my husband was severely depressed for 3 years. I was also afraid to leave the house because I feared that he was suicidal. He also refused to get out of bed or eat or shower - I had to beg him to do all of that. It was hard to even change the sheets and the house always stunk of sick people. I was under a tremendous amount of stress over it (which is how I found PC), and I guess I'm feeling SO MUCH compassion for my stepmom because I really can relate to what she is going through. My husband's disease was not guaranteed to be terminal, but every day I feared that it might turn out that way.

Patty, I'm glad that your sister is helping during the day so that you can work. That must feel like a big relief in so many ways. Please take care of yourself and know that by helping yourself, you're also helping your mom. She's so lucky to have you...