40 year old adult male.


Recently diagnosed formally with ADHD


Also depressed, on Prozac for three years.


Started on Adderall last month and just got second 30day refill of 20mgX3 per day.


This is a stimulant? What a disapointment..


Yes I feel a little more focused and less scatter brained but I am still withdrawn and wake up in a fog, (after getting up several hours early to take a 20mg I go back to sleep and will only awake if there are things to do and still my time management sucks, weeks fly buy like days. Seasons change in the blink of an eye, I pay bills three mos at a time...


After some, well let's say "Service related" experiences I care not to repeat, my Dr. is saying I am demoralized. Maybe explained the depression .


I was a "Slow learner" in school and sent to the "Learning disability" classes. Basically the classes that the "Multiple thought impaired" AKA "Normal people" are not assigned to.


Three Police Departments offered my employment later on in life because I was a "slow learner"...sure...ok.


I was sooo bored in hight school, before home pc's were readily available. Now I am a tech and love the interactiveness of the GUI whatever the OS!! and the OSI layer of the net. Moves fast enough for it to register on my radar, so to speak.


I am trying to go back to school, I say trying because I hate being in a classroom cramped in there with other breathing people, having to read a book when theres a freaking computer right in front of you!!! (unless theres really cute ladies, and then I focus on them and not the class; never crack the book and get at least a C or B without a single "all niter" cram.) Night cram sessions, what a waste of sleep!!!


Anyway I cant decide if I am hyper or just have a visual/auditory/math deficit, like the Dr's said I did when I was a little kid.


I do know that a short time ago, maybe six mos I expirimented with some, let's say stimulants! basically I felt normal for the first time.


After explaining my "self research" that I had conducted over a 3 mos. period , and how I felt for the first time in my adult life; With no prior history of addiction/abuse, as a gainfully employed 40year old man; was sent to the Drug/ Dependency intake unit. Not right away; (but not after waiting a month just to be seen!.)


Of course the appointment was right before work and I did self administer my stimulant of choice at the time so I could focus on the net and troubleshooting, all while listenning to people . Anyway, She had no idea I was on it untill I told her.


Note;
Cocaine hydrochloride, (incase your wondering), is the sorriest of excuses of a stimulant known to man!! Mainly due to its short lived effects; (some say high, I wish). it's outrageous cost and also the fact that it's vary public DEMAND opens up our borders to enemies world wide!! ;Thus creating a National Defense Issue that made me cry and realize I better support local people.


I was then referred by my loyal well trained "street pharmacists" to something slightly more efficient; good speed! Which was allot cheaper and also enabled me to eat better. It also lasts allot longer and I can still sleep too. (Good speed. Not crap crystal that melts, not yellow "cat piss" crank. ). For the first time people said that I appeared more relaxed, and not like a hyperactive school kid, or a....tweaker ironically.


OK, so all that "research" I conducted was over the course of about three mos time., no prior history...


After almost arguing, well yes arguing with the 12step program Nazi; who finally had the brainstorm to send me to an ADD specialist; Who it turned out is about the sharpest thing in the medical world and a savior to my soul if there was ever one!!. (He asked all the right questions, which shocked the hell out of me). The books on his shelf even looked like he read them !! , no way!. Wow!!


For the first time in my life I actually felt like someone understood me.


Ok, so he agreed to perscribe me Adderall, generic at 20mg x2 per day, and then later I asked for 3 per day and he agreed. Basically because he is smart, looked into my eyes and can tell I am who I say I am, which is rare, but impressive; especially these days!. (Sort of like Prince Dracula of 15th century Romania would do; like with the three visiting ambassadors who refused to remove their turbans). But that's another story....


OK, So he also met with my sister and I together to make sure I was NOT some kind of park mark scratching tweaker, and instead someone who is attempting to gain focus and career advancement in life.


I guess I was lucky actually being 'honest', or just stupid, with the intake staff. Basically if you ever admit you did street stimulants, especially for any length duration your automatically labeled an addict and thus denied Dopamine=pleasure/reward in our "civilized society...". were every citizen has medical coverage and a job?. Right......


Anyway I have not had [the need] to obtain street stuff. Mainly because I am now getting the proper treatment I needed, and should have been asking for all along. (I was in ADD denial my whole life. Literally!


Question;
The Adderall helps, yet I still have a bad time management problem and am withdrawn and sleep waaaaay too much.


I don't really build a tolerance to the Adderall, because I am allowed to take up to 60mg per day and that's really all I need. (Need; theres that word again). However it seems to be lacking in something and has too much of something else, I can't quite place my finger on it.


I have been studying about the different structures of Adderall and other amphetamines, dextroamphetamines and methamphetamines; l-isomer and d-isomer, but not clear on each's unique functions effecting the different ADD ADHD types.


The Adderall helps me at work, mostly in listenning and attention skills, but only a little. I also get irritated rather easy. But not all the time. It's like theres something in the Adderall I wish there was a little bit less of and something a little bit more off...


What am I trying to ask?


For an apparent schedule II controlled substance his one sure is luke warm.


Now If I can just get my mom on Adderall, she's 72years old and drives 80mph with a stick shift drinking coffee....