Quote:
Originally Posted by Luce
The most disturbing aspect of DID / dissociation for me is not being in control all the time. It truly disturbs me that sometimes alters take over and act differently to me, and certainly different to the image I have of my self that I would like to preserve. I am intelligent and focused, and when blank / triggered / child / other alters present in THIS body - which people perceive to be ME - I find it embarrassing, disturbing, shameful, and humiliating. I hate it.
Another thing I hate - prior to this year I had my '**** together' and I was successful in my job and study. This year a work situation has ruined that for me, and now dissociative issues have returned full force. I am losing time again and failing at parenting, studying and working. It angers me. I anger me. I am annoyed I don't have my **** together better.
What aspect of dissociation are you grateful for?
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Thank you so much for your reply!! I hope you do well with your studies. Time management is not my gift either. It's very hard for me to focus on something for the long stretch.
There was a light bulb that came on when I posted here earlier. Disorganized attachment. Man. I tell ya what. I hate those two words!!! I don't think the normal person, who hasn't walked through it, would understand the damage, and I will venture to say, devastation, that those two words contain. Thank you for hearing me.
I am most grateful for dissociation for the part of protection and safety it was and is for me. Until I grow into myself, I'm sure it will be there, on guard and ready to step in when it feels it's needed.
I pray for a time that it's not needed and it can be my friend and ally, not the bouncer it feels like it has to be right now that zips me with no warning.
A question from earlier is still on my mind. I think a part of me has held on to it. It's a bit disturbing to that part.
What if you (I can't quote it verbatim) realized your other parts were no more?
That is my question. What if you woke up and all of your other parts we not there? Would you feel lost or would you feel free?