Little Turtle, I know you helped some people when you were a psychiatrist but you are only human and were faced with the need to follow the rules (guidelines at work).

I still take an anti-depressant (but I am only taking 1/2 of what was prescribed) because without it, I couldn't get out of bed and I would be totally sad absolutely all of the time. Perhaps I am now hooked on it but it is also possible that things might have been even worse for me (and you?), if we hadn't starting taking them.

As far as facing what is going on in our lives--you know I understand how hard it is and can totally relate to feeling guilty about not facing what was and is going on in my life. Regardless of our dilemma (def: a situation in which a difficult choice has to be made), we are both good people. What we were facing had no easy answers. For instance, you probably couldn't just quit your job and start your own practice because you likely wanted to earn enough money to support your family.

You are right, you are faced with learning to forgive yourself. I think that you are kind, patient, caring, aware and sorry for even the smallest mistakes in your life. If there is a God and he is merciful, I would think that he would forgive sinners like you. Why? You want to tell the truth. You are humble. You help people all the time and feel bad whenever you hurt others (sometimes you blame yourself to much). Please know that I look up to you and value your friendship. We can't live forever but you have touched and encouraged me. It is obvious to me that countless others feel that way. I wish I could give you a real hug!