Thanks very much and again, hvert!

I really don't know what's going on. I accept that I'm somewhat naive about how people operate at higher levels in a company, but I want to believe the VP and AVP are doing this out of true desire to help me grow as an employee. 2 weeks ago nothing was going to happen for me. So this is at least something. They put this idea together, I have to believe, because they want and need me to stay. I want to believe they want me to be successful.

But as much as I want to believe, I don't. Every fiber of my being thinks that this has some nefarious action behind it. I have a very hard time trusting people, especially when they say trust me. Which is what they're telling me now. Trust them that a promotion could come from this. I have no real reason not to trust them, but the voice in my head is yelling at me to not trust anyone. And that's a terrible way to live.

I plan to learn more from them next week about what they really want and need from me in this position. But in the grand scheme I think the best for everyone is probably for me to move on. I'm a crutch for them. They're family and friends for me. Neither of us is growing. Neither of us is happy. And it's all dysfunctional.

Right now, today, if I quit, I'd probably just opt to quit quit. I really don't see a future for myself. This job and these people have become my everything. And when that goes away, everything goes away. Why keep living.

Sorry, today is another really bad day and all I want is for the pain and the voices to stop.