Addictions, self destructive habits, health issues and neglect over the years have left me looking somewhat like a 40 year old at 25. I'm doing a little better than I was 2 years ago, I'm healthier and have more self control but the damage has already been done. I live everyday in regret, I feel like kicking myself for not really appreciating how good my life was when I was 18. I had so many things going for me.

I avoid people, especially friends and family who knew me from back when I was 'popular' and was considered attractive. Some genuinely feel bad for me, I've also always had two-faced relatives that are secretly pretty happy about how I turned out now.

It's not that I don't have friends, but people have been treating me differently now, and don't look at me the same anymore, especially members of the opposite.... I feel so lame for even saying all this, but I had a bad day, and I don't have anyone to talk to.

I don't even know what I want, I don't want people to pretend everything's fine with me, but at the same time some 'jokes' hurt me. I'm sorry for such a confusing thread. I want company, but I need different kind of company? I don't know.

I had a good day when it comes to getting things done though, so there's that.