Well I can certainly say that I have felt exactly what you describe. Like a bystander with X emotion or Y emotion watching my own life but in no way involved in it until after i have reacted which was merely a coincidence because I didnt know how I felt about the situation. Wanna know the scariest think about all this - that tended to be when I was most volatile.

I dont know if this is what you are saying but it is certainly the feeling and imagery I get from reading your post and I know that I have never found a way to successfully counteract this approach because I dont know why or how my life can be under control from something other than my own. Yet thats how it feels.

=moggles=