I love my partner and do not want anyone else. The problem is that I am not able to be affectionate. In actuality, I suppose that you could say that I am often distant with my partner.

This is more likely to happen when I am stressed, because then I want to be alone and so, will withdraw.

I see now that this is a life long pattern. I was the same with my children.

The point is that my partner tells me that he is literally starving for affection, and the fact that I continue do not do the things I know I should, seems to me to be verging on cruelty.

The more he wants me to be affectionate, the more stoic I become. It does feel as though I am both saying, 'I don't need you, and I can manage without you.

But this is not true really . I have had to learn to be very strong in my life, and in someways, I am. But my partner says that I need to face my demons - but I don't know how.

I am aware of the psychological theories around ambivalent parents and the influence this can have on the adult. But knowing this doesn't help be be the warm person I wish to be .

What to do?