You were born as good as anyone else, and you have a choice (we all do) at what you do with your life. Sometimes taking ourselves OUT of ourselves, such as helping others is a big help. If you went to a nursing home, people would be warm and loving, they wouldn't notice anything off or wrong with you and would be grateful. You can connect with people.What is it you want in life? I am 70 years old and started school at age 60. When I joined the army, people told me that "it (life, army) is what you make it; that was/is true.

I pulled myself out of a childhood of molestation and poverty (no phone, car, refrigerator, tub/shower) in a 120-year old tenement house with cockroaches and rats..where snow came in thru a crack in the wall..no father around and an abusive mother.

I knew I had to do something with my life and joined the army ; best decision I ever made....31-year abusive marriage; church who voted me out of membership, etc.,etc...

There was no one to guide me or help me, I just had to figure it out by myself. I don't know if my story will help or have any impact, but wanted to share that basically, we all have choices,and you do, if you choose to, get to choose what you want to do with your life.

You might consider seeing a professional; it might help. You have a right to ALL of your feelings; they are'nt right or wrong, they simply are.

You are not "bad" or "wrong"---simply human; we all feel envious and a lot of other things. So, my question is.....what do you want to do in life, and what is preventing you from doing that? There are no guarantees of success in life, or any guarantees at all.