So sorry for your lost. My mom died two years ago.

You have it somewhat harder because you lost your mom at a pretty young age. I also had a tumultuous relationship with my mom but I was with her at the end. The best advice I can give you is be kind to yourself. You will probably struggle with a lot of guilt and what if's. What if I was nicer, what if I didn't say that, what if? One thing that helped me besides therapy was going to a grief group and writing my mom a goodbye letter in it I got to say how she disappointed me and things I was sorry for and then things that I wish I could have done differently. Powerful stuff very cathartic.

Another thing piece of advice is let you know it is okay to feel what ever you feel. There is no wrong or right way to feel. Let yourself still be happy if you are feeling happy that day. Your mom would want you to go on. If you are sad, let yourself cry. People will try and tell you to get over it or not to feel a certain way but don't listen to them.

Grief takes as long as it takes. There will be up day and low days and days in between. The first year is the hardest with the first holidays without your mom, the first birthdays, and then get it starts to get a little easier.

I hope I was helpful. again i am so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you. If you need us, we are here