I've considered going back to IP, but I always find a reason why I can't. Honestly, I think I'm just tired of waiting for nature to finish me. I'm still looking really good on the cancer spectrum and my kidneys are still looking strong. It's screwed up that this "good news" pisses me off so much. It's wrong to take opportunities like this for granted but my mind just won't heal. Everything else has and everything else isn't what's killing me. It's my own damn mind that I can't shut off. I'm tired and I'm angry. Honestly, I wasn't planning on using a doctor to put me down. I was going to use a cowboy with a gun and see what I can get out of that. Wouldn't be too hard where I live. Almost did it when I passed by an opportunity this evening. I don't know what stopped me.