thanks metime and youome. I just hate it so much, I feel so powerless. Although even that is strange- I never have felt powerful at all so I don't know where that feeling is coming from? Maybe at having no power over my feelings? Who knows?! But i have certainly seen self growth over the past 1-1/2 years- something I have never seen in my life before. youome, do consider it if you feelyou are in the right space/place to do so. It is only since things started coming together for me mood-wise that I have gotten to where I am now... for better or worse lol. And yes, "Being emotionless is practically being dead."