I'm in a long distance relationship with someone I met on another mental health forum..we talked for a year before we actually met in person..

I was getting to the point of giving up on ever meeting because neither of us had the money to actually travel..I told him I was giving up and he decided to drive to come see me and we ended up having the best 2 weeks together..

We've visited each other a few times since..but I'm starting to feel like this will never go anywhere other than a long distance relationship..I'm having a hard time having fun with it anymore..the distance makes me lonely at times..

He understands me better than anyone else in my life..I enjoy our connection..we've been talking since 2013..a time that I was really quite unwell and dealing with court and trying to avoid jail..he knows everything there is to know about me..but the loneliness I'm feeling from lack of human contact is really taking a toll on how I'm feeling about this relationship..

I'm just not sure if I can do it much longer..but the thought of him being out of my life saddens me..I'm just not sure how to go on with this..

Lately I'm getting paranoid that maybe he only went on that forum to meet women and I just happened to be the one he got..I'm thinking all sorts of messed up stuff lately..but then it's like who cares if that was the case..we met and That's that..but I am also scared he's gonna end up hurting me in some way..my last two relationships were abusive and I still get stuck thinking that's all I deserve..

I just don't understand my own thinking..I've been avoiding his calls and texts all day..I'm sure he's worried about me because of that..we talk the same time everyday and text throughout the day..he's really the only person in my life other than family..I'm just getting to the point of not knowing what to do..

I have no job..waiting for disability to approve or deny me..so I'm stuck here living with my mom..moving out right now is not going to happen..and I'm not so sure that I can go live with him..I have flashbacks of how horribly I was treated while living with my ex's...I'm not at tip top level of functioning..I have trouble taking basic care of myself and already feel like a burden..

If you made it this far..thank you for reading..