I know I've been depressed for years psychiatrists didn't really want to medicate me at 14 because sometimes the side effect of meds is suicidal thoughts. I get those, I get a lot of cutting but I know that my family would be broken if I died. I had a friend that committed suicide three years ago and the pain never really went away. It's still there it still there when I speak about her even though I remember her so warmly it still hurts that beautiful person would end their own life. xx