I just allowed an official diagnoses last month for bipolar 1. I'm not happy about it, but I wanted help. Now, I already want to say, "Screw you, I'm fine," to my doctors. I don't want therapy or treatment for my issues, even though I know I need it. I'm fighting myself on a lot of old habits. When I'm up, I won't take medication because I'm really happy and I don't want to deprive myself of it. When I'm down, I just won't get out of bed to take them and if I do get up, I get it in my head that I can get better on my own. When I'm mixed, I don't know what the hell I want but I do get belligerent. When I'm stable I think I'll be good and just take medication when it gets bad, again.

This all makes a lot of sense, right? It doesn't but I understand a bit of what you're going through. Thing is, I couldn't tell you precisely why I'm like this. Just that I'm experiencing something similar to what you describe.