So basically I have realized that I am in denial. The reason I stop my medication is because I am is that my mood is climbing toward a full blown manic phase and since I wasn't on a mood stabilizer it goes uninhibited thus I feel good and indestructible, no need for meds. It gets further exasperated once I mess with my dosage of ssri. Luckily this time I didn't do anything I will regret, I was very focused on God and I did have a lot of wild thoughts and grandiose thinking and did make some odd posts on facebook, but in the past I bought and traded cars, accumulated music instruments, made other risky decisions. I think anyone thinking about coming off of medication like myself really needs to think about the under lying drive and consequences. Noone wants to be on meds but sometimes we need them.