Thanks Ray
...my problem has seem to become the joke here. If ya'll were in my shoes you sure wouldn't be able to say "stick a fork in me I'm done"...I have to live with it. So, yeah keep joking it up...not your problem, not your life, neither is it your solutions. If there's something that you can't comprehend about my situation is because it ain't you, you ain't living it.....it's complicated. Nothing is ever black and white it's all shaded. This %#@&#! has racked my head for a week now and the consequence is an unstudied psych test, dirty house, and pit of resentment. This is how it's effected me, but ya'll keep picking.

Anyway, everybody thinks up and leaving is easier then it seems. Just leave, just leave....it's not so simple. I ain't got nowhere to go and I surely ain't going to some resource center. After all this is my apartment, everything in it is mine, and the vehicles are mine. I ain't leaving without a fight. I'm not afraid of the pain he can afflict on me. Pain has been apart of my entire life. I'm doing what I have to for now and I know what's best for my children. I just don't know what's best for me. I'm bigger and stronger then my posts my make me appear. The situation is more tiring mentally and emotionally then it is physically..let me tell you.

Eh...I've some how exhausted my points and attributions, my damn intentions. I get what ya'll are saying, the same damn thing anybody else would say, the same damn thing I would tell somebody else. Gotcha alright. I'm just tired of doing the right thing when it don't get me nowhere....marriage/relationship wise. I'll just be a "piece of %#@&#!" to him either way.

My sister recently had an affair on her husband and before my own personal "thing"...whatever, I judged her and told her she was in the wrong and a horrible person for jeopardizing her military brat lifestyle. Now I understand her better then ever before...even if she has much more then I do. There's something important lacking in her marriage just like mine. I guess you can't understand unless you've actually been there.