LMo,

I want you to know that I have been keeping you in my prayers but haven't had as much time to spend here as I would like to have.

It's important for you to be able to express all your thoughts, feelings, & emotions that you are experiencing throughout this time. No matter how long the posts or how involved they are, it's important for you to be able to get them down in writing.

Looking back, it is exactly 3 years ago that I was going through similar experience with my Mother who was dying of vulvar cancer. My father had died 13 years before & I was an only child. I had no support or anyone to lean on during the time I was going through the experience. I was new here at PC & not able to open up very well at that point. I was also going through some issues with the ID theft that had me so scared & confused, I didn't know where to turn. My Mother didn't know that she was dying from the cancer because she believed that "her Dr's would tell her everything she needed to know ". They told her they got everything when they did the surgery, so how could she possibly be dying of the cancer that they got????

I was watching all of this going on around me & my head was spinning. Fighging with my Mother to get her the help she refused. Realizing that she didn't want anyone around her to see how bad she was really doing when I finally got a chance to see her for myself.

Sadly, I had my own responsibilities with my new born filly that was got a leg injury 3 weeks after birth & required daily care for that. I lived over 1 hour away from my Mother, so her Dr's were all around her house, so having her stay at my house wouldn't have solved any of the problems.

The worry & caring exists no matter how the relationship is. Your posts bring up so many points I want to comment on, but don't want to make a lengthy reply.

One important issue is about the will/trust. Even though it seems petty at this time, it's important to get it cleared up now & not later because hard feelings will come from letting issues like that slide. You might want to talk with the previous lawyer you had working on the will/trust & get he might provide you with thoughts on a more equitable set up. I know you want your step-mother to be provided for, but not at the cost of loosing everything between your brother & you. Also, just a thought, but you might just mention to your brother how much sentiment there is for you with the piano & he might be very understanding about that. It's sad that your Father didn't recognize that aspect in the piano, but when the mind goes, so does any thought processes that might consider things like that.

I know what a difficult time you are going through right now....watching everything that is happening & trying to make sense out of it....it is almost impossible to do in the best cases, so you are doing very well in trying to sort it all out. That is why it's so important to be able to express everything that you are writing here. It will help you put your thoughts together later & remember important things that were thoughts in passing. It also helps to know that others have had the same feelings & emotions. I know that going through everything I went through without any support of any kind & trying to figure out what has happening all around me let alone what was happening to my Mother was like living through a nightmare.

Your posts bring up so many points I would like to comment on, but don't want to make a reply that is a mile long, so just responded to a few of the issues, But I wanted you mostly to know that you are in my thoughts & prayers.

The important thing also is to take care of yourself. It's hard when stressed & pregnant because the baby experiences all the stress you are going through. I know it's tough because this is a situation that the stress can't be avoided...but maybe your Dr can give you some ideas on how to lessen it's effect on the baby...(just a thought),

Know that my prayers & thoughts are with you & glad that PC is here for the support that is desperately needed during this time,
Debbie