Hello csaki01: This appears to have been your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! I'm sorry you are feeling so alone & worthless. I'm an older person now. But I can certainly relate to a lot of what you wrote. There were a couple of things in your post that caught my attention. One was you wrote no one's bullying you "anymore". So I take it from that there was a time when someone was? You know, I was a victim of bullying (both verbal & physical) throughout my high school years. And even now, so many years later, I'm quite certain it still has an effect on me. In fact, I have read that there is research that has been done that demonstrates bullying has a lasting effect well into adulthood. And you mentioned the rage you feel. That type of anger is something I am all too familiar with as well.

The second thing that caught my attention was your mention of the person you pretend to be. I don't know what you meant by that. Perhaps it was simply that you pretend to be happy when you're not. I have a lot of experience with pretending to be someone I'm not. There's a song by The Weepies titled: "Nobody Knows Me at All". Are you familiar with it? I kind-of consider it to be my anthem. I know how wearing it can be to try to maintain a façade. And I think you're correct. You really can't talk to your friends about this. Chances are they won't understand, won't know what to do, & probably won't really want to be burdened. At least this is my perspective with regard to that. That's a big part of why a lot of us are here on PC... because we have no one, in real life, to share with. Seeing a counselor, or mental health therapist, can also be of great help in that regard.

Anyway, I hope that being here on PC can be of some comfort & support to you. If you keep posting your own Threads & replying to other members' posts, I think you can find a lot of support here. My best wishes to you...