Hi Tonette, welcome. I don't have Bipolar Disorder, but I am familiar with the feeling you're experiencing. I'm 30, and about 4 years ago I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD, and ADHD. Suddenly I felt crippled, as though before I knew about my diagnoses there was hope if I just tried harder- and now I know I've been a slave to my own mind and nothing I do will cure me of it- the best I will ever do is alleviate my symptoms, but I would always struggle with them. I hated looking in the mirror and seeing who I "really" was: a crazy person who will never succeed. I had a mental breakdown and quit school because I felt there was no point. I became suicidal and was put into an outpatient program at a mental health institution. Every day for a month I was put in a room with a dozen people who were similar to me. For 8 hours a day we just took turns talking about how we felt about our past, present, and future; our thoughts and fears. It was there that I met my best friend. She has the same illnesses I do, and was in medical school. She gave me the hope and encouragement I needed to make it through my own education and stay in therapy (and stay on my medication. I've flushed my meds down the toilet a few times). Slowly I came to accept and understand my illnesses. In many cases, the best way to break through that dense membrane of despair is to find people who suffer from the same illnesses you do. You'll find that support and acceptance you so desperately need. After a while, I came to understand my life as not one in need of "starting over," but one that was finally beginning. It's better that I'm equipped with the tools I need to truly help myself than to just wander around in the dark for the rest of my life. I hope this helps, even just a little.