Thanks so much everyone for your kind and thoughtful replies. I am struggling to articulate my thoughts right now but there is certainly a lot for me to consider here.

Actually CloserToTheMid our son is 18, so similar age to yours, I consider him just about grown now although he is not yet out the nest. We are lucky in that we both enjoy his company and he seems to enjoy ours, but we both miss his young days. You raise an interesting point and yes I think a lot of my hope and motivation came from parenting although it was hard work at times. He's the apple of both our eyes.

Of course at the same time I'm also older with all that entails and LauraBeth I understand what you write about loss - there is so much loss with ageing. I lost a dear friend last year and this year several dearly cared for people who I volunteer with. I accepted those deaths but the sadness is left behind. Volunteering with the ill and elderly this is to be expected but we lost 3 in one month which was hard.

The suggestions to follow my passion is a good one but I just don't seem to be interested in anything these days. What puzzles me is that I have a day off and social arrangement with 3 good friends tomorrow which normally would make me happy but I just feel flat. I'll put on a smile and act the part but there's no joy. I left a party early on Saturday, partly because I had early start at work next day but also I just wasn't enjoying it.

I'm not sure if I'm not depressed after all, if I read what I wrote up above I would say so.