I haven't been labeled as treatment resistant. But after 15 years of treatment and 10+ different meds, I really think that I am. No amount or type of medication helps me, and I'm just exhausted from trying so many different treatments. I'm 24 years old, and I have nothing to show for it but a novel of medical records.

I have been struggling more the older I get. The past year I haven't been able to hold a job for more than a month at a time. I've gone through so many the past few years... I don't know if it's even worth trying anymore.

How am I supposed to live like this? I am so tired... I feel like I'm stuck in a loop and there's no way out. Lately I've been weighing the pros and cons of trying to apply for disability benefits, but I'm even scared of that. I feel like a failure for not being able to hold a job. I know my parents will never understand how hard things are for me, but I still live by their belief that having a good job is an essential part of being a responsible adult. I can reject that reality all I want, but I still feel guilt over it.

I just wish I could have a normal life... that's all I want. I'm so tired of being in misery.