I have a long history of anxiety and depression. Somehow I always end up going off of my medication thinking I'm cured. Well I'm on one of the downswings again. I am a new mom to a now 10 month old. My job closed down two months ago and I have been able to be a stay at home mom. The problem is now that I am out of normal routines. I have gotten so isolated and depressed. I just got hired for a part time job. Right after I found out my babysitter is not available anymore. I am looking at strangers to watch my son. I keep thinking worst case scenario and guilt. I feel so divided because I know I need this but I'm afraid to leave him. I just always let these thoughts take over my happiness. My husband is over it. He's sick of me shutting down when I am in my state of freak out. Why can't I just assume things will work out? Why do I have to assume I'm doomed? Why do I fixate on things to such an unhealthy level? I just want to get better.