William James is often credited for saying: "Whenever two people meet, there are really six people present. There is each man as he sees himself, each man as the other person sees him, and each man as he really is."

Ask your fiancé what they truly think of you, and compare that image to the way in which you see yourself. I can almost guarantee you that the way in which you see yourself is not representative of how you actually are. You say that your very existence causes harm to those around you, I would beg to differ. Not even considering the lives you influence on this site, just take a moment and consider the fact that you have a fiancé. Someone who loves you despite what you perceive about yourself. Someone who understands and is accepting of you to the point where you can feel comfortable opening up to this person. While I have never met you or your fiancé, I can tell you that they do not see you as vile or detestable, because if they did they would not be with you now, or at the very least, they would not want to speak of your issues, and as a result you would not feel comfortable opening up to them either. But that is not the case . You have someone in your life that loves you, someone that sees past whatever sins or mistakes you have committed, and chooses to not let those mistakes define how they see you.

Yes, it may be painful to wake up, painful to live even, but there is another side to this mountain before you. There will come a day when you are past this depression, past this pain. Please do not give up now.