((((( LMo ))))))

I hadn't wanted to share my story about all this since this is about your difficulties but you said that everyone's sharing has helped you and I know that when I find people who understand, it helps me too.

When I was 18 my mom was diagnosed with cancer. For awhile she was ok, doing chemo treatments and stuff but then all the meds made her start to deteriorate. I've shared that she through her cat across the room. That was when we were trying to care for her at home. Had a hospital bed set up in the living room and we gave her meds every 4 hours. We had a buzzer system rigged so that she could buz us back in the bedrooms. On the weekends my dad went and did his thing in the band and I was left at home to care for her. Waking up every four hours to give meds etc. I don't remember why we didn't have a hospice nurse stay with us.

She did the same kind of things, getting up to eat etc. She didn't get as mean, but she wasn't herself. One night she fell and my dad and I made the decision to put her back in the nursing home. That was the hardest thing ever, to load her in the van and when she stepped out, she saw where she was and this look of pain came across her face. She died there. I still hate driving by that horrid place.

Its taken me years to even start to get passed it. I drank away a lot of those years, resentment at my dad and even at her for having to leave college.....its only been within in the last year that I've started to feel the feelings and have periods of deep grieving and regret.

I'm so glad you're getting through all that resentment now, so that it doesn't eat you up years later. I'm so glad your stepmom is a good help with this. I felt very alone with my parents, my dad only did it out of obligation. He took his new girlfriend to my mom's wake.....ahhhh anyway I could go on and on.

I just wanted to let you know that I've been through something similar, I understand.