Ok so you read about. You have warnings. You know the person is gonna die. Why do I feel empty? Emotionally bankrupt? Why dont I feel the hurt - oh I know its there but I DONT feel it. I a devoid of everything. I feel emotionally dead. Some people warn me that this is when its worse when you dont feel anything is when all emotions and feelings are going full speed, and when you are most likely to take the hardest fall. So I have tried to prepare for this death. I said my goodbyes and I made sure that she was watched over along the way. I think that that there showed her that it was time and that she could pass. Is it my fault that she died last night? I dont think so because it was inevitable. Did I help it along? I probably did and it hurts that I might have done that but at the same time I think it was time. So is a Death of a family member the worst pain you could ever feel? I dont think so. I think the loss of a child ranks higher or the loss of a spouse. You know though and I believe everyone does. This HURTS like hell. If hell exists I would be in it right now. Yet at the same time I dont feel anything. Am I happy? no. Satisfied? no. Mad? no. Depressed? maybe. Numb? YES. Do I think that it was her time? Yes. Do I think that I helped it along by giving her a comfortable outlet to leave this plane of existence? Hell yeah, but I dont feel as if I didnt anything that I shouldnt have. So why do I feel guilty. Guess thats for me to discover.