Hey all. I'm going to be taking a semi-break for a bit.
Traditionally, I get sui this time of year. (Not on account of holidays.)

To top off, 2 weeks from today is my SSDI hearing. It's been over 3 years in process. (I don't talk about it or read threads because it is very triggering.)

I don't do holidays anymore. Even basic life maintenance is a struggle, so holidays are a no-go. Simply can't relate to shopping, having holiday obligations, etc.. We don't have tv or listen to radio or even hardly go out at all, so the commercial innundation scarcely exists for us.

It's another ******* circle around the sun. More getting older, falling apart, and getting sucked down an economic vortex.

The hearing is essentially life or death. I'd like to think that I'll finally be heard, but all I feel is despair.

It's not depression talking, just plain facts. It's bleak. Not being able to relate to the rest of society is at all time high. Like being somewhere not being able to speak the language or understand anything, or convey what I'm going through.

I'm terrified. (I have a T appt on the afternoon of the hearing day. A tether to spinning out? We'll see.)

Which is all to say that my head is just not in the game. Brain's scrambly. It could get really ugly. Meanwhile, I'm not much use to anyone. So I'll peek in a bit, but don't foresee participating much. Consider me benched. I'll still be rooting for you all though.

Sorry.