Around 2pm yesterday I saw my pdoc for an hour. It was a gift. He talked about trying to change my trajectory from a path of destruction to one of safety. Achieving this is not so easy. Ultimately, it is a a thought path, and one which is very set in its ways. I explained how my mind feels expansive, obsessive, dissociated, altered states, racing yet oddly calm at times. Despite all this activity my mind can go dead. Yet is can also be on fire. Recently my mind has begun to get tired but wired as well due to insomnia. I am not depressed at all, which I guess is a plus. Well, it is clear something is clearly going in my mind but even my doctor is not being clear on what that is.

The euphoric mania has calmed down as has the PTSD trigger but I am still very unwell with SI at times. WTF! This is so frustrating. The meds keep getting changed and some do seem to help so we keep them.