Hello corlyn: I'm sorry you are in such a difficult dilemma. (Please forgive my ramblings here. It's all just food for thought, as they say.) There really aren't any great solutions here. I don't get the impression, from reading your post, that you're in love with this man. At least not yet. You've known each other mostly long-distance for several years now & you've visited each other few times it sounds like.

You wrote your friend understands you better than anyone else in your life. Sometimes when people meet, they just know this is the one for me. (That doesn't always mean they're right. But at the time that's what they believe.) In your case, it doesn't sound as though you have this "instant attraction" / "swept off my feet" feeling. And the two of you have not had enough time together to really figure out if there is more to this relationship than simple friendship.

You mentioned you've been avoiding your friend's calls & texts. Of course, you posted this yesterday. So perhaps things have changed by now. My thinking is that what might be best here is if you could find a way to talk openly with your friend about what you're thinking... the things you wrote here. You wrote you don't understand your own thinking. Perhaps you just don't know what to say to your friend. You're conflicted. On the one hand you have concerns about where the relationship is going. But, on the other, you're afraid to lose your friend. So the safest option feels like simply avoiding the whole thing.

The thing is that, at least from my perspective, a major key to any long-term relationship is open & honest communication. So, if there is any possibility that you & your friend could have a long-term relationship, it seems to me being able to share what is in your heart is one important facet. Consequently, perhaps one way to look at this is to view it as an opportunity to see if your relationship has wings. Could you lose your friend altogether? Yes, that is certainly a possibility. But I wonder if having your relationship fizzle over an extended period of time is preferable to simply figuring out once-&-for-all if there's more to your relationship than simply long-distance support. If the two of you really want to be together... together you will find a way. But one thing is for certain, it won't happen if one or both of you is hiding. I send you both my best wishes.