I think that the best way I can explain what I am feeling is something like - Put a gun to my head and pull the fricking trigger. Sorry if that offends but thats what I feel. Yet at the same time I know that that isnt the answer and so I sit and tell everyone I can that I hurt and that I need help and everyone has been so helpful and I appreciate it so much and I dont know why it hurts so much I never liked her and always wished that she would die. Yet in the past week and a half I have gone out of my way to help her, make her comfortable and content. People say my heart is too big, that is why I get hurt so easily but isnt that a good thing. Its like for the most part the pain is too much so my head shuts down.