Justpassingby:

I have to ask you, since we sound so much alike in our symptoms and have the same diagnosis, do you ever feel paranoid? I think people are staring at me in stores and judging and I get scared here at home alone during the day and am afraid someone is going to break in. I even think people at my virtual workplace are all talking about me.

I have been tried on several different medications, I can't remember a lot of them, but some are Lamictal, Geodon. I think the Geodon caused nervous tics and the Lamictal caused me to be really angry and aggressive, we have a new house and one day for no reason I had a strong urge to kick a hole in the wall---thank goodness I did not do it. Right now I am on Depakote 2000 mg a day (upped from 1500 mg yesterday) and Zoloft and my psychiatrist seems to be at a loss. I am afraid of trying new medicines because of those experiences. I was once on Cymbalta for 2 days before i was diagnosed and had these almost voices or suggestions saying go ahead and kill yourself, do it. I told my husband and got off of that fast!!!

I like my psych very much though and my therapist, but it is frustrating because I will be fine for a while and then I will be a different person each day or from minute to minute, which is why I wonder, should I be making decisions?

My husband doesn't understand. He never was around mentally ill people or grew up in a household of abuse like I did, so it is hard for him to sympathize with me. It hurts that he doesn't want to learn more about bipolar and it seems a lot of times like he thinks I could change the way I acted if I really wanted to. He often looks at me like I am insane, and he makes me feel insane and that doesn't help things at all.

I appreciate you all and am so glad I found PC, as there are no support groups where I live.