I am in a position where I am questioning everything from the past 25 or 30 years. I am hurting about the loss of my friend but what if that relationship wasn't really real? What if I have never been unconditionally loved and cherrished by anyone except my own offspring? What if she really wasn't there? Why is her hubby being a boob? I want to speak with her so badly. I am not able to understand that she is dead. So, shouldn't I still be able to speak with her? It's just another form of being. I am lost and feel 17.