Everyone deserves to feel safe and happy and it seems you've had neither of these for a long while.

I don't think there are many doctors on here (other than DocJohn himself), so perhaps you can start by looking for one in your area. It certainly sounds like you have a lot of on your emotional plate and a therapist can definitely help with that. I did a search for therapists in my area on a site that specializes in searching for doctors (can't think of the site's name right now, so my apologies). I found one not too far from me and went to her for a while. It definitely helped me.

I suggest that once you find a therapist and have made an appointment with them, to print off what you've written here and bring it in for them to read. It'll show them what you've been through and feel without having to worry about breaking down and not being able to tell them all of it.

I wish you the best and certainly hope you find your happiness.