So, I came across some pretty interesting bits of info and such:

-Before 2015, I actually had some pretty tangled experiences in regards to my high school years. Like it was hard to remember 14-17.

-By my therapist's definition, the amount of trauma (mostly at school) that I experienced would be enough to screw with anybody's self-esteem. So it's no wonder that I end up blaming and shaming myself a lot; it's sort of like even though I am technically out of the environments that caused this, I am still kind of being mean to myself just to pick up where my worse teachers left off.

-Some of the memories I'm worried about may not have been encoded thanks to the confusion I experienced in them. Which explains why they seem so contradictory and not very processable, for lack of a better word.

So...that's what I learned about myself. Pretty interesting. Question is what to do with all this. I can't say I know how to feel.