To my mind, you already have an answer, from your heart:
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My partner would love to get married, I would too but I'm not sure that we are ready...I just don't feel marriage is something that we should consider at the moment.. maybe down the road, I just don't know..
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And also:
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I was hoping after almost four years I'd have more clarity..
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Hope or no hope, you don't have the clarity you need, the clarity that imo a person should have before marrying.
You mentioned the red flags of the concern about your ex and the concern about arguing. What else gives you pause about marriage?