-To preface, I have never cut before or am currently doing so-

I feel like such a failure, I can't even muster up the courage to even cut and for some reason this is making me feel worse, like if I dont do it my feelings aren't valid and I'm faking it if I can't. How can I say I really want to die if I can't even do this, how can I prove I'm suffering if I'm to scared to hurt myself. Part of me want to so badly do this so that I can show the world that, yes, I do want to die. But without this I just can't seem to feel valid.