Sending hugs your way!

The holidays at my house are an absolute nightmare. Everyone is mentally ill( mostly untreated) and drunk the whole time. I literally get harassed if I don't have a drink in my hand starting at like eleven am.There is a lot of emotionally abusive behavior, a lot of trying too hard and a ton of avoidance. Also lots of awkward gift giving and bad food.
I try not to go home at all. After this thanksgiving I don't think I'll go home for the holidays ever again. My dysfunctional family does better in the summer.

I've done several holidays with boyfriends or friends and their families, but honestly it just makes me feel sad and inadequate. I don't know how to function around well adjusted family units. I don't know how to talk to family members as if they are just normal people I enjoy. I end up really shy and withdrawn. I don't ever offer to help in the kitchen. I'm always certain I'll get yelled at for doing something wrong. I do ok if there are children for me to distract myself with and Ativan to take so I can breathe.

This year I'm staying home with my boyfriend and two friends. We will do cheap silly stockings and movies. I may even hang Christmas lights. We'll see. I'm happy that I get a break.