Thank you, Rohag. I appreciate your kind words. I read the article. I'm trying so hard to be that person for my partner but it's been 16 years of ups and downs and I'm so exhausted I don't know that I have more fight in me. I'm scared because, while I care, I find myself avoiding him and our marriage more and more. I imagine myself alone more often. Mostly because I am toxic and abusive when I'm angry and that seems to be my predominant emotion these days. The last thing a depressed person needs is a venom dripping wife coming at him with words armed as though they were swords... But here I am. And I'm trying so hard to change it. I don't want to lose him. I just wish I knew how better to help him...if there were some magic words I could use...or that ONE hug that makes everything better. I feel very lost and very unhappy and sadly trapped by all of this. I feel as though I really am alone in this and I'm the only person who has ever felt this way. And that scares me.