Well, relatively speaking if you know I mean.

I have been tapering down meds and getting a handle on being less medicated. It is different, no better or no worse than before, but different enough to have needed time to get used to it. The last month or so has been tolerable.

It took a lot of work to get my pdoc to agree to help me taper. He still doesn't agree but is supportive because he knows I am a stubborn old cuss and will do it without him and it would have been much more difficult without him writing the prescriptions so I can do it safely and take as much time as I need. He has always taken my input very seriously(once he realized I spend a lot of time on self-education) and it felt like we were a real team.

I just got a call from his nurse. She tells me that my next appointment is cancelled because he is leaving outpatient to work in the inpatient ward. This is stressful. I can't blame him though. This is at the VA. It is non-stop appointments. He has several hundred patients. It took him about 18 months worth of appointments before he didn't need to spend half the session reviewing my records so he could remember me. He walks one patient out and grabs the next. All day long.

Now this has set me off. My new pdoc is a nurse practitioner, which kind of scares me. I don't know anything about her so this anxiety is unfounded. But when I see her, I will still be tapering off meds. What will her reaction be? That is what really scares me. I have airtight medical reasons for getting off meds but even my supportive pdoc thought it was better to go on hormone replacement than stop taking anti-psychotics.

Granted, I can simply request a different pdoc but I don't know anyone else and it is a stressful process. I always knew what to expect, now I don't and it has really set me on edge. Plus, now I have to start completely over with someone that doesn't know me or my history.

I honestly do not know what is more upsetting: having to get a new pdoc or the fact that it is upsetting.