I understand how you feel when you say you reach out and sometimes do not get what you expected- what you needed. You imagine that if you reach out, the person will react a certain way - when they don't it's heart wrenching.

Where do you go then? I bring it up to the person. If it was my roommate, or my therapist - I tell them you know when I said "this", "this" is what I needed.

Then they either 1. Tell me they're sorry and give "it" to me. or 2. tell me why "it" isn't possible but find some way to make me be ok with it.

Sometimes you need to be very clear with what you are expecting and what you need at the moment. There are times I've had to say "I need you to hug me right now" or "I need you to tell me you love me if you do".