I wasn't sure if what I am about to say is supportive enough which is why I held back. Your dynamic with your t reminds me of a similar dynamic between myself and one of my first therapists in my teens. On the one hand, I liked him. He was very smart. Gentle and quiet. However he was extremely boundaried and withheld reassurance. No touch even if I was sobbing. Even if someone died. He wasn't comfortable with the warm fuzzy part of therapy that makes the medicine go down. (Ugh sorry I'm not a Mary poppins fan but it illustrated a point. ). Eventually I got worse and was hospitalized. We had a third party therapist conduct a consultation. The consulting t told me that I need a warmer and fuzzier therapist. Nothing she could say or do would change the kind of t he was. I was advised to seek a different therapist. I was devastated but in the end the consultant was right. My t at the time was a bad match for me.
I read about your situation and I get mad at your t for withholding basic human comforts. I don't think her style is right for you. I wasn't sure how to put all of that. I want better for you I suppose.
Have you ever asked your t outright if she feels you two are a good fit? Would she be surprised to hear how much pain she causes you?