Thank you for the reply growlycat.

I really can't bare the idea of finding a new T, just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. I don't think my T knows exactly how much pain this is causing me because I haven't told her. I'm trying my best to be honest and open with T but I still find it incredibly difficult. My T is warm just not in the touchy/feely kind of way. She is very empathetic and nonjudgmental which is nice but sometimes I need more than that.

Despite this being the most difficult round of therapy I do feel like it is the one in which I have progressed the most. I can actually feel my emotions in session rather than just being numb. I've also taken many more risks in sharing personal things than I ever have before. I think the problem is I have never explored my issues so deeply before and it is really highlighting my inability to self sooth.