Hi there!

I have no words for what it's like to go through Bipolar Hell I call it. I suffered so much last week with it. It was a mixed state with extreme highs and extreme lows. I was doing shady crap on the internet too, that was totally screwing with me and made me question myself God and my Faith. I know we are not supposed to talk about religion, but that's not what I am speaking about. What I am speaking about is Faith.

I was so disgusted with myself with the way I had been carrying myself online (in the sex arena due to the mania) and spending ridiculous amounts of money I don't have and then coming home and falling into a deep depression that I just couldn't crawl out of because it was so gripping. So I googled "Losing Faith" and of course a lot of religious sites came up but this interesting Psych Central article came up I wanted to share that really helped me.

The Pain of Losing Your Faith | Psych Central

This article really helped me because I didn't want to turn to some cult religion to help pull me out of my Bipolar Hell. But what I needed to do was surrender and ask forgiveness, to myself. People call it "God" but I believe its your inner spirit that you pray to that amplifies out there into the universe. Call me crazy but after surrendering and asking "God" to please forgive me and crying countless tears, things really turned around for me.

Within three days, I landed an amazing dream job that is perfect for keeping within my disability financial restrictions as well as will get me out of the house. I will writing, marketing and going to several music venues for one of the oldest Music Magazines in the country. I will actually be writing and getting paid for it! A once in the lifetime opportunity!

And just a week ago I was drowning in Bipolar Hell. But I surrendered myself, and just asked for help. It's okay to ask yourself and your higher power for help because there are just some things in life that people can't give you, and you have to be able to give it to yourself.

So to all of you struggling, hold on. There is a light over the horizon, and the Bipolar Hell doesn't last. It is just this passing thing, this shadow. As Sam told Frodo, "But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something."

Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?

Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for

Just remember we are all here for you and it will pass.

Hugs and comfort to my Psych Central friends