I have, as per a promise, taken it one day at a time to not cut for 111 days.

I can hardly wait until tomorrow.

Has anyone else found not doing SI is more of a negative than a positive over the long term?
I am trying to find a way to replace this mechanism, but nothing 'good' seems to work.

Marijuana helped a lot, but I don't like being high.
Isolation works well, but months of minimal human contact is stressful in its own right and even created new problems.
non harm alternatives are a joke. Its as much the blood, if not more, as the feeling of the blade on the flesh.

How do you quiet the voices, the impulses... without a blade. without the blood.
I can't merely survive anymore.

Im afraid to get a job, because I don't want to hurt anyone and I don't want to die from bloodloss.
SI is the only thing that has ever made me feel good, the only thing that quiets my mind.

I want to know what it is like to 'live'...

This is as much a vent as an actual request for advise.