I have a bad habit of self sabotaging the things I love in my life.... even when I love it more than life itself.... I push people away with my bitterness towards life and can't seem to think about all the good that I have... which I truly have it all now... a beautiful husband, I don't deserve, two little girls who need light in their lives, all I have is darkness it feels... and I can't snap out of it.... all I want is to love more than hate my life... but it really feels hopeless... I'm a stay at home mom show trapped with my husband working 70 hrs a week or we can't live... and I take out my sadness on him most of the time... but I shouldn't... I love him so much, the beat thing to ever happen to me is him... and I'm terrified if I don't find a way to get better soon I'll lose him too. I can't live without him... I'd rather die than lose him... and counceling takes so long... maybe I don't want to tell someone my life story and all my regrets, maybe I just want an evaluation and some damn meds when I need them the most...