Today the body turns 49

Where did life go?...a yearly reminder of how fast we are dying. Our birthday memory consists of childhood resentments. I'm sure we had b-day parties...but can't remember any of them.

Our biggest resentment is getting our birthday money and then told I can now buy Christmas gifts for my abusers because I had money. Huh? Everyone else not born next to Christmas gets to buy things for themselves. "Don't be selffish...your father..."

Or when they forget your birthday and then hand you a christmas gift from under the tree...that's it. Forgotten for b-day and jipped for Christmas...to a kid this is horrific.

This followed by maybe a gift or two for the rest of my life...always the giver...hardly a recipient which is an ego blow as to how everyone appreciated me.

Rant rant rant...sorry. This is the worst month of my life...an ever reminder as to how screwed up our life is of which no amount of drugs or alcohol can wipe the memories away.

This is a yearly recurring rant...just can't seem to let go.