Thank you for the replies, Ocean Swimmer, Wander, leejosepho, and wildflowerchild25.

I have bipolar I, ADD, and PTSD. I do see a therapist every other week. I'm using 400mg of Trokendi as a mood stabilizer, which is basically the extended version of Topamax. I thought Latuda was mood stabilizing as well as an AP, too. The additional Adderall hasn't done anything in terms of improving depression. It's gotten me out of bed but my mood hasn't gotten any better, as a matter of fact, it's just made me irritable if anything.

I've been hospitalized and also used outpatient programs before. They have helped at times but I don't want to inconvenience my family with either during this time of the year. It's not the best time for this to be happening.
(I'm married and have 2 daughters that still live at home, one is a jr in high school and the other is 22) And that's what I feel like, a big inconvenience. I know I'm being overly sensitive about the way the situation was handled with my dr's office but everything seems like a bigger deal than it really is when you're depressed, everything is blown out of proportion and I sometimes forget that when I'm feeling this way.

I'm feeling completely sorry for myself today and I hate it. Having bipolar disorder is completely unfair - I AM on a lot of meds for depression and I do have stable periods but no matter how well I follow through on taking my meds or follow a schedule, it never fails, break through cycles happen and eventually, I feel awful again - I have horrible mania, with mixed cycles or horrible depression. Even when I feel better, it's only going to be temporary because eventually the bottom is going to fall out and I'll be right back to feeling awful again. What is the f'ing point?!?!? I'm ready to quit taking all my meds and say f*#^k it all. I give up.

Jenn (Nene)

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Bipolar I, ADD, PTSD
Latuda 120mg, WellbutrinXL 450mg, Mirtazapine 45mg, Vyvanse 60mg, Adderall 10mg in AM and 10mg in afternoon, Trokendi XR 400mg