I can relate to your boyfriend's position. I know my ex and I said the same to each other around my smoking pot. Not sure who said it first.... me saying... 'you don't like it you know where the door is' or him saying.... 'stop smoking pot or I'm leaving you.' Either way its a pretty telling statement about the state of the relationship overall in my opinion.

For me it wasn't about needing or wanting the pot more than I wanted our relationship. I could take it or leave it and went though phases of both. It wasn't my only bad habit... I smoked cigarettes and was a major workaholic..... but because it was pot and illegal and riddled with social stigmas..... in our circle of friends and family it was an easy target for criticism or stereotyping.

He had his own assortment of habits too. He over ate, drank wine with his dinner and gambled now and then. It always seemed to me that my pot smoking was being discriminated against and it wasn't right. For a long time I just ignored his nagging about it until one day it came to a head and the ultimatum was framed.

As far as I was concerned at the time.... if he was prepared to let something I thought was minor be a major dealbreaker for him than I needed to know that. If he was going to think it was okay for him to impose his beliefs on me than I wanted to know that too. It wasn't because the pot meant more to me than our relationship that the ultimatum ended up on the table. At the end of the day it was because the pot meant more to him than our relationship.

I let him walk because I couldn't trust him not to impose himself on me with bigger issues down the road. If he was willing to break us up because of a habit I have that he doesn't like then it said volumes to me about how committed he would be to me if we faced real challenges down the road..... like accepting the effects of my mood swings and related behaviours.

My ex eventually dropped the subject of my pot smoking and learned to live with it. I eventually quit using all together for sustained periods of time for reasons other than his approval ratings. In the end our relationship didn't survive but that was mostly because of my isolating and pushing him away when my moods would cycle. I became too difficult to live with overall and he left to get away from the drama.

I obviously think your boyfriend has a legitimate point when he suggests 'take me as I am or not at all.' If pot smoking is that offensive to you that you will chuck the relationship then do it sooner rather than later is my advise. It's a two sided coin. Just a question of who's will is stronger and which values count more. If tolerance and acceptance aren't an option than letting go is probably the best thing you can do for both of you. Maybe this way you can still remain friends. We can often accept behaviours in friends that we never accept in our lovers.

All the best to you as you sort out your feelings about this. I wish you both well.